the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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