i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
false alarm. still invincible.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
