TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I could fuck to npr.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
