Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
