I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
