Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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