I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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