Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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