Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
