your parents love me but you hate me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
