he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
