Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
