Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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