Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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