Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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