i wish there were pregnant emoticons
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
