well I can't set my house on fire every night
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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