How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
