you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
