so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
