This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
