i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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