I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
