I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
