he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
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I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
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why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize