You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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