How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
