Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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