see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
