Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
