my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
