I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
