I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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