I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Randomize
