Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
