Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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