Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
