I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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