are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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