How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
