he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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