Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
