thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
