8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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