I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i used baking grease as lip gloss
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
