her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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