Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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