Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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