We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
