Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
