Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
