I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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