I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
