I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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