So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
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On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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