She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
