But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
