I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
