Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
