WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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