you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so let's talk penis.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
there is glitter all over my balls
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
