watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
