I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
