You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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