i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His hands were made for my vagina.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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